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ibule and abused in a most straightforward fashion； but he never seemed to mind。
“I believe； Samuel；” roared my father at him in my hearing； “donkey as you are； you think that no one can do anything except yourself。”
“Nor they can’t； Squire；” replied Samuel calmly； which closed the conversation。
On another occasion there was a frantic row about a certain pheasant which was supposed to have e to its end unlawfully。 My father had ordered this fowl to be stuffed that it might be produced in some pending legal proceedings。 Samuel； who I think at that time was head…keeper and probably knew more about the pheasant’s end than my father； did not pay the slightest attention to these mands。 Then came the row。
“Don’t you argue with me； sir；” said my father to Samuel； who for the last ten minutes had been sitting silent with his eyes fixed upon the ceiling。 “Answer me without further prevarication。 Have you obeyed my orders and had that pheasant stuffed？”
“Lor’！ Squire；” replied Samuel； “you stuffed it yourself a week ago！”
On inquiry it transpired that Samuel； to prevent further plications and awkward questions； had prevailed upon the cook to roast that pheasant and send it up for my parent’s dinner。 So the lawsuit was dropped。
My father was a regular in attendance at church。 We always sat in the chancel on oak benches originally designed for the choir。 If he happened to be in time himself and other parishioners； such as the farmers’ daughters； happened to be late； his habit was； when he saw them enter； to step into the middle of the nave； produce a very large old watch which I now possess — for on his death…bed he told Hocking to give it to me — and hold it aloft that the sinners as they walked up the church might bee aware of the enormity of their offence。
He always read the Lessons and read them very well。 There were certain chapters； however； those which are full of names both in the Old and New Testaments； which were apt to cause difficulty。 It was not that he was unable to pronounce these names； for having been a fair scholar in his youth he did this better than most。 Yet when he had finished the list it would occur to him that they might have been rendered more satisfactorily。 So he would go back to the beginning and read them all through again。
At the conclusion of the service no one in the church ventured to stir until he had walked down it slowly and taken up his position on a certain spot in the porch。 Here he stood and watched the congregation emerge； counting them like sheep。
Notwithstanding his hot temper； foibles and tricks of manner； there was something about him that made him extraordinarily popular； not only as I have said in his household but in the outside world。 Thus I remember that once the Liberals （needless to say he was the strongest of Conservatives） offered not to contest the division if he would consent to represent it。 This； however； with all the burden of his large family on his back he could not afford to do。 It is a pity； for I am sure that his strong personality； backed as it was by remarkable shrewdness； would have made him a great figure in the House of mons and one who would have been long remembered。
In many ways he was extraordinarily able； though； if one may say so of a man who was so very much a man； his mind had certain feminine characteristics that for aught I know may have e to him with his Russian blood。 Thus I do not think that he reasoned very much。 He jumped to conclusions as a woman does； and those conclusions； although often exaggerated； were in essence very rarely wrong。 Indeed I never knew anyone who could form a more accurate judgement of a person of either sex after a few minutes of conversation； or even at sight。 He seemed to have a certain power of summing up the true nature of man； woman or child； though I am sure that he did not in the least know upon what he based his estimate。 It must not be supposed； however； that he was by any means shallow or superficial。 In any great event his nature revealed an innate depth and dignity； all the noise that he was so fond of making ceased and he became very quiet。
Nobody could be more absolutely delightful than my father when he chose； and； per contra； I am bound to add that nobody could be more disagreeable。 His rows with his children were many； and often on his part unjust。 One of the causes of these outbreaks was that he seemed unable to realise that children do not always remain children。
Once when I was a young man in Africa — it was just before I was appointed Master of the High Court in the Transvaal — I was very anxious to e home after several years’ absence from England； on “urgent private affairs。” To be frank； I desired to bring a certain love affair to a head by a formal engagement； which there was no doubt I could have done at that time。
For certain reasons； however； it was impossible for me to get leave at the moment。 Yet the matter was one that would admit of no delay。 In this emergency I went to my chief； Sir Theophilus Shepstone； told him how things stood and obtained a promise from him that if I resigned my appointment in order to visit England； as it was necessary I should do； he would make arrangements to ensure my reappointment either to that or to some other billet on my return。
I suppose that I did not make all this quite clear in my letters home； and almost certainly I did not explain why it was necessary for me to e home。 The result was that the day before I started； after I had sent my luggage forward to Cape Town； I received a most painful letter from my father。 Evidently he thought or feared that I was abandoning a good career in Africa and about to e back upon his hands。 Although it was far from the fact； this view may or may not have been justified。 What I hold even now was not justified was the harsh way in which it was expressed。 The words I have forgotten； for I destroyed the letter many years ago； immediately upon its receipt； I think； but the sting of them after so long an absence I remember well enough； though some four…and…thirty years have passed since they were written； a generation ago。
They hurt me so much that immediately after reading them I withdrew my formal resignation and cancelled the passage I had taken in the post…cart to Kimberley en route for the Cape and England。 As a result the course of two lives was changed。 The lady married someone else； with results that were far from fortunate； and the effect upon myself was not good。 I know now that all was for the best so far as I am concerned； and in these events I see the workings of the hand of Destiny。 Many； I am aware； will think this a hard saying； but from Job down man has found it difficult to escape a certain faith in fatalism which even St。 Paul seems to have accepted。
There’s a divinity that shapes our ends；
Rough…hew them how we will；
writes the inspired Shakespeare； and who shall deny that he writes truth？ The alternative would seem to be the acceptance of a doctrine of blind chance which I confess I find hideous。 Moreover； if it is to prevail； how fearful are our human responsibilities。 Because my dear father； who had the interests of all his children so closely at heart； wrote a sharp and testy letter； probably under the influence of some other irritation of which I know nothing； is he to be saddled with the weight of all the consequences of that letter？ Or am I to be saddled with those consequences because I was a high…spirited and sensitive young man who took the letter too seriously？ If we knew the answers to these questions we should have solved the meaning of the secret of our lives。 But they are hidden by the blackness that walls us in； that blackness in which the sphinx will speak at last — or stay for ever silent。
Meanwhile the moral is that people should be careful of what they put on paper。 When we throw a stone into the sea； who knows where the ripple ends？
To return — these rows at Bradenham； niy…nine out of a hundred of which meant nothing at all； had a very ical side to them。 Perhaps they sprang up at table on the occasion of an argument between my father and one of his sons。 Then he would rise majestically； announce in solemn tones that he refused to be insulted in his own house