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I have not grown out of the little child in thinking of it； and at the
self…same moment I have dreamed that I have sat with the heart…ache at
table； calculating the expenses of the dinner； and quite distracting
myself with thinking how they were ever to be made good。 I have never
dreamed of the change in our fortunes itself； I have never dreamed of
your ing back with me that memorable morning to break it； I have
never even dreamed of you。
Dear Mr Clennam； it is possible that I have thought of you……and
others……so much by day； that I have no thoughts left to wander round
you by night。 For I must now confess to you that I suffer from
home…sickness……that I long so ardently and earnestly for home； as
sometimes； when no one sees me； to pine for it。 I cannot bear to turn my
face further away from it。 My heart is a little lightened when we turn
towards it； even for a few miles； and with the knowledge that we are
soon to turn away again。 So dearly do I love the scene of my poverty and
your kindness。 O so dearly； O so dearly！
Heaven knows when your poor child will see England again。 We are all
fond of the life here （except me）； and there are no plans for our
return。 My dear father talks of a visit to London late in this next
spring； on some affairs connected with the property； but I have no hope
that he will bring me with him。
I have tried to get on a little better under Mrs General's instruction；
and I hope I am not quite so dull as I used to be。 I have begun to speak
and understand； almost easily； the hard languages I told you about。 I
did not remember； at the moment when I wrote last； that you knew them
both； but I remembered it afterwards； and it helped me on。 God bless
you； dear Mr Clennam。 Do not forget your ever grateful and affectionate
LITTLE DORRIT。
P。S。……Particularly remember that Minnie Gowan deserves the best
remembrance in which you can hold her。 You cannot think too generously
or too highly of her。 I forgot Mr Pancks last time。 Please； if you
should see him； give him your Little Dorrit's kind regard。 He was very
good to Little D。
CHAPTER 12。 In which a Great Patriotic Conference is holden
The famous name of Merdle became； every day； more famous in the land。
Nobody knew that the Merdle of such high renown had ever done any good
to any one； alive or dead； or to any earthly thing； nobody knew that he
had any capacity or utterance of any sort in him； which had ever thrown；
for any creature； the feeblest farthing…candle ray of light on any path
of duty or diversion； pain or pleasure； toil or rest； fact or fancy；
among the multiplicity of paths in the labyrinth trodden by the sons
of Adam； nobody had the smallest reason for supposing the clay of which
this object of worship was made； to be other than the monest clay；
with as clogged a wick smouldering inside of it as ever kept an image of
humanity from tumbling to pieces。 All people knew （or thought they knew）
that he had made himself immensely rich； and； for that reason alone；
prostrated themselves before him； more degradedly and less excusably
than the darkest savage creeps out of his hole in the ground to
propitiate； in some log or reptile； the Deity of his benighted soul。
Nay； the high priests of this worship had the man before them as
a protest against their meanness。 The multitude worshipped on
trust……though always distinctly knowing why……but the officiators at the
altar had the man habitually in their view。 They sat at his feasts； and
he sat at theirs。 There was a spectre always attendant on him； saying to
these high priests； 'Are such the signs you trust； and love to honour；
this head； these eyes； this mode of speech； the tone and manner of this
man？ You are the levers of the Circumlocution Office； and the rulers of
men。 When half…a…dozen of you fall out by the ears； it seems that mother
earth can give birth to no other rulers。 Does your qualification lie in
the superior knowledge of men which accepts； courts； and puffs this man？
Or； if you are petent to judge aright the signs I never fail to
show you when he appears among you； is your superior honesty your
qualification？' Two rather ugly questions these； always going about
town with Mr Merdle； and there was a tacit agreement that they must be
stifled。 In Mrs Merdle's absence abroad； Mr Merdle still kept the great
house open for the passage through it of a stream Of visitors。 A few of
these took affable possession of the establishment。 Three or four ladies
of distinction and liveliness used to say to one another； 'Let us dine
at our dear Merdle's next Thursday。 Whom shall we have？' Our dear Merdle
would then receive his instructions； and would sit heavily among
the pany at table and wander lumpishly about his drawing…rooms
afterwards； only remarkable for appearing to have nothing to do with the
entertainment beyond being in its way。
The Chief Butler； the Avenging Spirit of this great man's life； relaxed
nothing of his severity。 He looked on at these dinners when the bosom
was not there； as he looked on at other dinners when the bosom was
there； and his eye was a basilisk to Mr Merdle。 He was a hard man； and
would never bate an ounce of plate or a bottle of wine。 He would not
allow a dinner to be given； unless it was up to his mark。 He set forth
the table for his own dignity。 If the guests chose to partake of what
was served； he saw no objection； but it was served for the maintenance
of his rank。 As he stood by the sideboard he seemed to announce； 'I have
accepted office to look at this which is now before me； and to look at
nothing less than this。' If he missed the presiding bosom； it was as a
part of his own state of which he was； from unavoidable circumstances；
temporarily deprived； just as he might have missed a centre…piece； or a
choice wine…cooler； which had been sent to the Banker's。
Mr Merdle issued invitations for a Barnacle dinner。 Lord Decimus was to
be there； Mr Tite Barnacle was to be there； the pleasant young Barnacle
was to be there； and the Chorus of Parliamentary Barnacles who went
about the provinces when the House was up； warbling the praises of their
Chief； were to be represented there。 It was understood to be a great
occasion。 Mr Merdle was going to take up the Barnacles。 Some delicate
little negotiations had occurred between him and the noble Decimus……the
young Barnacle of engaging manners acting as negotiator……and Mr Merdle
had decided to cast the weight of his great probity and great riches
into the Barnacle scale。 Jobbery was suspected by the malicious； perhaps
because it was indisputable that if the adherence of the immortal Enemy
of Mankind could have been secured by a job； the Barnacles would have
jobbed him……for the good of the country； for the good of the country。
Mrs Merdle had written to this magnificent spouse of hers； whom it was
heresy to regard as anything less than all the British Merchants since
the days of Whittington rolled into one； and gilded three feet deep all
over……had written to this spouse of hers； several letters from Rome； in
quick succession； urging upon him with importunity that now or never was
the time to provide for Edmund Sparkler。 Mrs Merdle had shown him that
the case of Edmund was urgent； and that infinite advantages might result
from his having some good thing directly。 In the grammar of Mrs
Merdle's verbs on this momentous subject； there was only one mood； the
Imperative； and that Mood had only one Tense； the Present。 Mrs Merdle's
verbs were so pressingly presented to Mr Merdle to conjugate； that his
sluggish blood and his long coat…cuffs became quite agitated。
In which state of agitation； Mr Merdle； evasively rolling his eyes
round the Chief Butler's shoes without raising them to the index of that
stupendous creature's thoughts； had signified to him his intention of
giving a special dinner： not a very large dinner； but a very special
dinner。 The Chief Butler had signified； in return； that he had no
objection to look on at the most expensive thing in that way that could
be done； and the day of the dinner was now e。
Mr Merdle stood in one of his drawing…rooms； with his back to the fire；
waiting for the arrival of his im