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little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第62部分

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Highly gratified by the kindness of his reception; Young John descended
the staircase。 On his way down he met some Collegians bringing up
visitors to be presented; and at that moment Mr Dorrit happened to call
over the banisters with particular distinctness; 'Much obliged to you
for your little testimonial; John!'

Little Dorrit's lover very soon laid down his penny on the tollplate of
the Iron Bridge; and came upon it looking about him for the well…known
and well…beloved figure。 At first he feared she was not there; but as he
walked on towards the Middlesex side; he saw her standing still; looking
at the water。 She was absorbed in thought; and he wondered what
she might be thinking about。 There were the piles of city roofs and
chimneys; more free from smoke than on week…days; and there were the
distant masts and steeples。 Perhaps she was thinking about them。

Little Dorrit mused so long; and was so entirely preoccupied; that
although her lover stood quiet for what he thought was a long time; and
twice or thrice retired and came back again to the former spot; still
she did not move。 So; in the end; he made up his mind to go on; and seem
to e upon her casually in passing; and speak to her。 The place was
quiet; and now or never was the time to speak to her。

He walked on; and she did not appear to hear his steps until he was
close upon her。 When he said 'Miss Dorrit!' she started and fell back
from him; with an expression in her face of fright and something like
dislike that caused him unutterable dismay。 She had often avoided him
before……always; indeed; for a long; long while。 She had turned away and
glided off so often when she had seen him ing toward her; that the
unfortunate Young John could not think it accidental。 But he had hoped
that it might be shyness; her retiring character; her foreknowledge of
the state of his heart; anything short of aversion。 Now; that momentary
look had said; 'You; of all people! I would rather have seen any one on
earth than you!'

It was but a momentary look; inasmuch as she checked it; and said in her
soft little voice; 'Oh; Mr John! Is it you?' But she felt what it had
been; as he felt what it had been; and they stood looking at one another
equally confused。

'Miss Amy; I am afraid I disturbed you by speaking to you。'

'Yes; rather。 I……I came here to be alone; and I thought I was。'

'Miss Amy; I took the liberty of walking this way; because Mr Dorrit
chanced to mention; when I called upon him just now; that you……'

She caused him more dismay than before by suddenly murmuring; 'O father;
father!' in a heartrending tone; and turning her face away。

'Miss Amy; I hope I don't give you any uneasiness by naming Mr Dorrit。
I assure you I found him very well and in the best of Spirits; and he
showed me even more than his usual kindness; being so very kind as to
say that I was not a stranger there; and in all ways gratifying me very
much。'

To the inexpressible consternation of her lover; Little Dorrit; with her
hands to her averted face; and rocking herself where she stood as if she
were in pain; murmured; 'O father; how can you! O dear; dear father; how
can you; can you; do it!'

The poor fellow stood gazing at her; overflowing with sympathy; but not
knowing what to make of this; until; having taken out her handkerchief
and put it to her still averted face; she hurried away。 At first he
remained stock still; then hurried after her。

'Miss Amy; pray! Will you have the goodness to stop a moment? Miss Amy;
if it es to that; let ME go。 I shall go out of my senses; if I have
to think that I have driven you away like this。'

His trembling voice and unfeigned earnestness brought Little Dorrit to
a stop。 'Oh; I don't know what to do;' she cried; 'I don't know what to
do!'

To Young John; who had never seen her bereft of her quiet self…mand;
who had seen her from her infancy ever so reliable and self…suppressed;
there was a shock in her distress; and in having to associate himself
with it as its cause; that shook him from his great hat to the
pavement。 He felt it necessary to explain himself。 He might be
misunderstood……supposed to mean something; or to have done something;
that had never entered into his imagination。 He begged her to hear him
explain himself; as the greatest favour she could show him。

'Miss Amy; I know very well that your family is far above mine。 It were
vain to conceal it。 There never was a Chivery a gentleman that ever
I heard of; and I will not mit the meanness of making a false
representation on a subject so momentous。 Miss Amy; I know very well
that your high…souled brother; and likewise your spirited sister; spurn
me from a height。 What I have to do is to respect them; to wish to be
admitted to their friendship; to look up at the eminence on which they
are placed from my lowlier station……for; whether viewed as tobacco or
viewed as the lock; I well know it is lowly……and ever wish them well and
happy。'

There really was a genuineness in the poor fellow; and a contrast
between the hardness of his hat and the softness of his heart (albeit;
perhaps; of his head; too); that was moving。 Little Dorrit entreated him
to disparage neither himself nor his station; and; above all things; to
divest himself of any idea that she supposed hers to be superior。 This
gave him a little fort。

'Miss Amy;' he then stammered; 'I have had for a long time……ages they
seem to me……Revolving ages……a heart…cherished wish to say something to
you。 May I say it?'

Little Dorrit involuntarily started from his side again; with the
faintest shadow of her former look; conquering that; she went on at
great speed half across the Bridge without replying!

'May I……Miss Amy; I but ask the question humbly……may I say it? I have
been so unlucky already in giving you pain without having any such
intentions; before the holy Heavens! that there is no fear of my saying
it unless I have your leave。 I can be miserable alone; I can be cut up
by myself; why should I also make miserable and cut up one that I would
fling myself off that parapet to give half a moment's joy to! Not that
that's much to do; for I'd do it for twopence。'

The mournfulness of his spirits; and the gorgeousness of his appearance;
might have made him ridiculous; but that his delicacy made him
respectable。 Little Dorrit learnt from it what to do。

'If you please; John Chivery;' she returned; trembling; but in a quiet
way; 'since you are so considerate as to ask me whether you shall say
any more……if you please; no。'

'Never; Miss Amy?'

'No; if you please。 Never。'

'O Lord!' gasped Young John。

'But perhaps you will let me; instead; say something to you。 I want
to say it earnestly; and with as plain a meaning as it is possible to
express。 When you think of us; John……I mean my brother; and sister;
and me……don't think of us as being any different from the rest; for;
whatever we once were (which I hardly know) we ceased to be long ago;
and never can be any more。 It will be much better for you; and much
better for others; if you will do that instead of what you are doing
now。'

Young John dolefully protested that he would try to bear it in mind; and
would be heartily glad to do anything she wished。

'As to me;' said Little Dorrit; 'think as little of me as you can; the
less; the better。 When you think of me at all; John; let it only be as
the child you have seen grow up in the prison with one set of duties
always occupying her; as a weak; retired; contented; unprotected girl。 I
particularly want you to remember; that when I e outside the gate; I
am unprotected and solitary。'

He would try to do anything she wished。 But why did Miss Amy so much
want him to remember that?

'Because;' returned Little Dorrit; 'I know I can then quite trust you
not to forget to…day; and not to say any more to me。 You are so generous
that I know I can trust to you for that; and I do and I always will。 I
am going to show you; at once; that I fully trust you。 I like this place
where we are speaking better than any place I know;' her slight colour
had faded; but her lover thought he saw it ing back just then; 'and I
may be often here。 I know it is
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