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his head between my breasts。 I saw that he was sighing； and crying too。 Pulling
him close to me； I held him。
“Don’t cry； Mother；” he said later。 “Father will return from the war。”
“How do you know？”
He didn’t answer。 I loved him so； and pressed him to my bosom so that I
forgot my own worries entirely。 Before I cuddle up with my fine…boned；
delicate Orhan and fall asleep； let me confess my only pressing concern： I
regret having just now told you； out of spite； about the matter between my
father and Hayriye。 No； I wasn’t lying； but I’m still so embarrassed that it
would be best if you forgot about it。 Pretend I never mentioned anything； as if
my father and Hayriye weren’t thus involved； please？
101
I AM YOUR BELOVED UNCLE
Alas； it’s difficult having a daughter； difficult。 As she wept in the next room； I
could hear her sobs； but I could do nothing but look at the pages of the book I
held in my hands。 On a page of the volume I was trying to read； the Book of the
Apocalypse； it was written that three days after death； one’s soul； receiving
permission from Allah； visited the body it formerly inhabited。 Upon beholding
the piteous state of its body； bloodied； deposing and oozing； as it rested in
the grave； the soul would sorrowfully； tearfully and mournfully grieve； “Lo； my
miserable mortal coil； my dear wretched old body。” At once； I thought of
Elegant Effendi’s bitter end at the bottom of the well； and how upset his soul
naturally must have been upon visiting； and finding his body not at his grave；
but in the well。
When Shekure’s sobs died down； I put aside the book on death。 I donned
an extra woolen undershirt； wound my thick wool sash tightly around my
waist so as to warm my midriff； pulled on my shalwar pants lined with rabbit
fur and； as I was leaving the house； turned to discover Shevket in the doorway。
“Where are you going； Grandfather？”
“You get back inside。 To the funeral。”
I passed through snow…covered streets； between poor rotting houses leaning
this way and that way； barely able to stand； and through fire…ravaged
neighborhoods。 I walked for a long time； taking the cautious steps of an aging
man trying not to slip and fall on the ice。 I passed through out…of…the…way
neighborhoods and gardens and fields。 I walked by shops that dealt in
carriages and wheels and passed iron smiths； saddlers； harness makers and
farriers on my way toward the walls of the city。
I’m not sure why they decided to start the funeral procession all the way at
the Mihrimah Mosque near the city’s Edirne Gate。 At the mosque； I embraced
the big…headed and bewildered brothers of the deceased； who looked angry
and obstinate。 We miniaturists and calligraphers embraced each other and
wept。 As I was performing my prayers within a leaden fog that had suddenly
descended and swallowed everything； my gaze fell on the coffin resting atop
the mosque’s stone funeral block； and I felt such anger toward the miscreant
who’d mitted this crime； believe me； even the Allahümme Barik prayer
became muddled in my mind。
After the prayers； while the congregation shouldered the coffin； I was still
among all the miniaturists and calligraphers。 Stork and I had forgotten that on
102
some nights； when we sat in the dim light of oil lamps working until morning
on my book； he’d tried to convince me of the inferiority of Elegant Effendi’s
gilding work and of the lack of balance in his use of colors—he colored
everything navy blue so it would look richer！ We’d both forgotten that I’d
actually given him credence； by allowing “But no one else is qualified to do
this work；” and we embraced each other anyway； sobbing once more。 Later；
Olive gave me a friendly and respectful look before hugging me—a man who
knows how to embrace is a good man—and these gestures so pleased me that
I was reminded how of all the workshop artists； he was the one who most
believed in my book。
On the stairs of the courtyard gate I found myself beside Head Illuminator
Master Osman。 We were both at a loss for words； a strange and tense
moment。 One of the deceased’s brothers began to cry and sob； and someone
pompously shouted； “God is great。”
“To which cemetery？” Master Osman asked me for the sake of asking
something。
To respond “I don’t know” seemed hostile for some reason。 Flustered； and
without thinking； I asked the same question of the man standing next to me
on the stairs； “To which cemetery？ The one by the Edirne Gate？”
“Eyüp；” said an ill…tempered； bearded and young dolt。
“Eyüp；” I said turning to the master； but he’d heard what the ill…tempered
dolt had said anyway。 Then； he looked at me as if to say； “I understand” in a
way that let me know he didn’t want our encounter to last a moment longer
than it already had。
Without mentioning my influence on Our Sultan’s growing interest in
Frankish styles of painting； Master Osman was of course annoyed that Our
Sultan had ordered me to oversee the writing out； embellishment and
illustration of the illuminated manuscript； which I’ve described as “secret。” On
one occasion； the Sultan forced the great Master Osman to copy a portrait of
His Highness； which had been missioned from a Veian。 I know Master
Osman holds me responsible for having to imitate that painter； for having to
make that strange painting； which he did with disgust； referring to the
experience as “torture。” His wrath was justified。
Standing in the middle of the staircase for a while； I looked at the sky。
When I was convinced that I’d been left quite behind； I continued down the
icy stairs。 I’d barely descended—ever so slowly—two steps when a man took
me by the arm and embraced me： Black。
103
“The air is freezing；” he said。 “You must be cold。”
I hadn’t the slightest doubt that this was the one who’d muddled
Shekure’s mind。 The self…confidence with which he took my arm was proof
enough。 There was something in his demeanor that announced； “I’ve worked
for twelve years and have truly grown up。” When we came to the bottom of
the stairs； I told him that I’d expect an account later of what he’d learned at
the workshop。
“You go ahead； my child；” I said。 “Go ahead and catch up to the
congregation。”
He was taken aback； but didn’t let on。 The way he let go of my arm with
reservation and walked ahead of me pleased me； even。 If I gave Shekure to him；
would he agree to live in the same house with us？
We’d left the city through the Edirne Gate。 I saw the coffin on the verge of
disappearing into the fog along with the crowd of illustrators； calligraphers
and apprentices shouldering it as they quickly descended the hill toward the
Golden Horn。 They were walking so fast； they’d already traveled half of the
muddy road that led down the snow…covered valley to Eyüp。 In the silent fog；
off to the left； the chimney of the Han？m Sultan Charity candleworks shop
happily piped up its smoke。 Under the shadow of the walls； there were
tanneries and the bustling slaughterhouses that served the Greek butchers of
Eyüp。 The smell of offal ing from these places had wafted over the valley；
which extended to the vaguely discernible domes of the Eyüp Mosque and its
cypress…lined cemetery。 After walking for a while longer； I heard from below
the shouts of children at play ing from the new Jewish quarter in Balat。
When we reached the plain where Eyüp was located； Butterfly approached
me； and in his usual fiery manner； abruptly broached his subject：
“Olive and Stork are the ones behind this vulgarity；” he said。 “Like everyone
else； they knew I had a bad relationship with the deceased。 They knew
everyone was aware of thi